You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
