New low: just hacked my moms facebook
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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