can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
