fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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