What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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