Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Every concussion has its silver lining
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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