So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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