I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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