All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
