Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
