she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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