there was a trapeze. enough said
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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