there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
