I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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