we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
