Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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