just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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