i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
