please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
