Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
