he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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