If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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