My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
