my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
