put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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