Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
