i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Randomize
