dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize