I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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