Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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