i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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