she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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