I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize