Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
