it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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