I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
