We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
