i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
