Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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