Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
