I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
