I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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