How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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