best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
