sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
