I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
