i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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