So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
