The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
