I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
