and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
