I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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