i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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