I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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