i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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