I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
