My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
