My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
