God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
