My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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