I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
