Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
