I think my vagina is haunted
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
