I want to make a zoo with you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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