My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
