the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
