Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
