bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
