My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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