Me too!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
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Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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