I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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