he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
