walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
