i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
